Option #1: Zorro
Easily my favorite super hero. He’s real. Superman? Batman? Give me a break. Zorro has legitimate power and actually existed in the mid 1800’s. Plus I wore a Zorro costume (knitted by my Grandma Marge, she was awesome) when I was a five-year-old at Wee World Pre-School in Bradford.
I remember wearing the Zorro costume down to our local park a few days later and seeing kids run away from me. I happily rode the merry-go-round alone and said to myself “Screw those bastards. I have a cape."
Then I started drawing Z’s on our living room walls. That wasn't a great idea. T.S. and Ja Ruth (my parents, they’re more like grandparents now and are probably expecting more out of me) didn’t like that all too much. But hell, I was Zorro. T.S. and I used to watch a Zorro t.v. show and it was great. He got all the women (Zorro, not T.S.). I’m kind of like Zorro minus the Spanish-speaking and sword fights. He was probably a better musician than me too.
Option #2: Ray Finkle
I have to admit my inability to grow a solid mustache could pose a problem here. But Ace Ventura was an awesome movie, and the “Finkel and Einhorn” scene is one of my favorites ever. This would only require a Ray Finkle Dolphins Jersey (easy to accomplish), along with perhaps a football with “Die Dan” and “Laces Out” written on it. Maybe some football pants and sneakers if I’m feeling it. May need a wig too, assuming I don’t have long flowing purple hair by this time.
And as much as I wouldn’t like wearing a Fins jersey as a suffering Bills fan, I do appreciate Marino and admire my Fins friends’ commitment. It’s been rough being in the Pats’ division for the past 15+ years. Plus it was really the Bills who missed the kick at the end of a Super Bowl. Wait, that didn’t really happen. They won that game. Same with the Music City Miracle…
If you have a favorite between Zorro and Ray Finkle, let me know!